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Here’s everything else you need to know about Tinder and how to maximise it.

And a recent Reddit thread revealed that the phrase you should never use in your Tinder profile is: ‘I made this account as a joke’. Girls like reading and if you don’t take the time to tell us a little bit about yourself that says a lot.’ ‘It’s a great way to keep your profile fresh, and give your potential matches insight into who you are.’ ‘You need a talking point – activity photos, like skiing or surfing, are good talking points. Say something interesting about something you saw on their profile.

I admit I don’t like football either but the damage is done and we leave soon after.

Effectiveness – 2/10 – Only use this if they’re wearing a United shirt and you give a crap about United.

7) I spot John, a smart-looking bloke with a buzz cut chatting to an older group of guys in the smoking area. I’ll give you A, B and C if you give me the D.’ I can’t believe I’ve said this to a total stranger and, once he’s stopped laughing, he tells me it’s awful then changes his mind and says he gives it 8 or 9 as a line. Men are amazingly forgiving when it comes to being chatted up – no one gave me a hard time. Go out as a trio rather than a pair to try these out so, if one of them works well, the other isn’t abandoned. It takes guts to chat someone up, especially if the person you like is in a group of friends, so maybe don’t be so brutal next time someone approaches you. It doesn’t really matter what you say as long as you say SOMETHING – staring wistfully at a hot guy / girl won’t get you anywhere.

Amazingly this direct approach works well – he instantly gives me his number and, much to the annoyance of the friend I’m out with, we chat for 45 minutes. Effectiveness – 9/10 – If you’ve got the guts for this it’s a winner 8) I approach a blond basketball player called Tim and motion him away from his gang of five mates. We have a very brief chat but he soon tells me to enjoy my night and goes back to his friends, the poor lad.

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Like all the best stories, this one starts in a pub.

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